November 17, 2006

Fly to surrealism

I've booked the flight. Let me down only if you can afford to pay for it. Otherwise, be prepared to be ostracised on Dec 30 n 31. Budget's not loose this time. So, let's just have a lot of egg tarts and char siew bao for meals. And plenty alcohol too. But, that's on you, as the host. You sure you can't fix the water heater at your place? Shitz.

xxx

The graduation song told them, there's nothing you can't become.

Actually, more like, there are a lot of things you can become. Like, become jaded (you will learn to smile at a painful decision in your life, simply cos it's so not funny), become ridiculously stupid (ask stupid questions on your term paper and leave your university tutors baffled at how you made it to uni), become arseholes (who come up with unbelievably incredible reasons to break up with someone), become losers (who accept unbelievably incredible reasons to being ditched and still hope for a change of heart), become suckers (a bit like losers, but in a more leeching way?), become someone else everyone wanted you to be (that's, a loser and a sucker all at the same time).

It's so untrue. The discourse of graduation ceremonies. Someone should have told me, when I was leaving primary school, that life is only going to get more shitty from hereon. And I probably would think that person's mad. But, someone should have reinforced that again, when I was leaving secondary school. And, I would have started to believe it. Someone should have told me, yet again, when I was leaving college. I would have seen it. Really.

But someone didn't tell me anything like that. And I didn't see it. I saw the shit, but I didn't see that life is not going to be easier as you go through more shit. It just gets fucking harder.

At the innocent age of 26, did I realise that I've been living a life of lies. Lies that the world made me believe, lies that people who love me said to try to protect me, lies that I, somehow, managed to convince myself with.

You think growing up is difficult? Wrong. Living is difficult. You should have just jumped when you failed your Chinese paper at PSLE.

I'm kidding. We still need people around in this world. Because some of us, actually, grew up to see through the lies. Not only that. We DIDN'T become worse people. We try to find our own living through the lies, our own way of coping, our own gospel. Our own truth.

The truth is out there. You just keep refusing to see it.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:39